it sucks for everyone

[shiram]

kind of leaving a little mark of how I was touched by the pandemic thing

Obviously most everyone is being inconvenienced and some are being much more so than me, so I want to say I'm not really complaining, I've been having pretty good morale and health lately.

I've had some bad couple years health wise, some my fault, and I've been trending in a better direction the last 2 years, with better eating, exercise and mental stuff too.

Some of my problems made it hard to work, and so I mostly got money from working at home on different projects, some return on investments and selling some collectibles when things got tougher.

I got some help last year, to get back into a more normal line of work, but wanting nothing to do with going back into IT, I did some work with a orienteer and found a 9 month class that would get me into a good pay, high in demand syndicated job, that was in line with my aptitudes and skills.

I was supposed to start class back on the 23rd of march, and today they announced that class will be delayed until September.
It's a bit disheartening, it's tough to keep the motivation on the idea of going back to school as a nearly 40 year old guy, but for now I'm holding on pretty good, family and friends are amazing people and I am so lucky to have them.

At one point, during my health issues a nurse was supposed to forward a document to another facility so I could get some help, and it ended up taking 5 months for that document to be sent, all along I was getting strung being told the document was sent, turned it she had not sent it, and when confronted she said it was due to a broken fax machine....


So the last couple years just been this way, just kind of waiting to get my life back on track, and I was trending in a good way, but then this virus got in the way!


So thats about that for me, wondering how this is touching you people all around the world, guess i could go in more detail stuff in people are interested, grocery and the likes.
I'm still in Québec btw.

[ZoSo]

Shitty bits but good to see it’s trending up now, bro! Def focus on the class - look forward. Waiting a few months for a big long-term goal won’t feel like that long!

My little fam is chilling just fine through this, tbh. I’m working from home full-time, wife is between jobs anyway (starting new in July), son is doing his first-grade school work online an hour a day and Minecrafting the rest of the time. Life’s good!

Been playing a real game again for first time since like 2009, too. SWGEMU. Look me up if you’re in the mood!

[RoamingMadness]

My baby is healthy and well, we just went to her 15-month checkup for shots. Other than that, I made decent money on bitcoin during all this. Finished my MBA in finance, 96th percentile for my nationwide exit exams, my mom is healthy and lost her job but got rehired already.

Pretty much everything else sucks. My timeline on this is a fucking novel. My GF and I were fighting as all this happened over money, she left town, got sick, came home, got me sick, she went into a coma, they lost her COVID test, took another one weeks later, negative but were told it could be too late for the test to work. That was march/april. That whole event led to our break up. Glad to be past it. This is the same girl I was dating when we all met 15~ years ago. This was the death knell for sure. Should have listened to Shiram/Crow/Everyone back in the day telling me to be done with her.

My aunt fell, my cousins are trump supporters, not doing any social distancing or wearing masks. Basically, they think the entire thing is a hoax. Put my aunt in a shitty nursing home, she died less than 3 weeks later with COVID, the funeral was today, my cousin never told people she was exposed nor that my aunt died with it, invited our whole family. Thankfully no one showed up, my mom knew because she was close to my aunt, but it was again massive drama.

Uh... America has fallen. The republic is dead. Trying to convince my baby mama to move to Vancouver.

[Styrofoam]

I am fortunate enough to have not lost my job. It does suck in the USA right now as people seem more focused on forcing working class people to serve them rather than the safety of the people


I sincerely hope that the there's not a huge uptick. It's scary. I haven't left my house except to go to work for almost 2 months now.

[RoamingMadness]

Uh... America has fallen. The republic is dead.

I told you so? Hope everyone is safe. Love you all.

[Bane]

Humm, so an update on my side then. Life's been shit for a long time now, glimps of good stuff in between but a lot of clouds and rain mostly.

So don't remember if I've write this before, but a short recap from when it kinda started and until now. So my old GD and I was together for over 8 years, many of which were troubled and it was a roller coaster ride of emotions. We argued a lot but where somehow still in love and couldn't break up. I actually tried like three times over the years but it never stuck and we always got back together. Then at around 2016 I grew tired of her constant waiting for her life to become "mature" enough for kids and pushed the topic until we finally started to try around. The first year it was just without preg control, you know, kinda causally expecting it to happen when it happened. It didn't. In 2017 we realized something was wrong, she is 2 years older than me so was pushing 38 at that time. We signed up for IVF queue, which is a long queue in my city. She was always so.. hesitant. I had to make most of the work, calling, setting up appointments etc. Of course she would never agree that was the case, but it was. We started to grew apart. Every month her period came, it got harder and harder to keep the mood up. Eventually we got into IVF late 2017, around christmas and did the hormone treatment and all that jazz. It hit her hard and her mood became very hard for us both. The relationship sucked more and more. During the beginning of 2018 we started the actual IVFs. First time didn't work. Second neither. She started to pull away, wanted time from it, taking breaks and focusing on her new work. We didn't have time, she was hitting 39 (I 37). I didn't want to press her, IVF is 100% the women who takes the heat, us men can do nothing other than try and support. In May we bought a house, something we dreamed about a long time. In June she didn't want to continue IVF. In July she wanted to break up. We had paid the downpayment on the house, but not even moved in yet. So there I was, relationship ended and with a house we couldn't afford by ourselves. I had to renovate the last of the apartment to maximize profits, then renovate the house and immideately sell that. Took all of that summer and autumn. By Christmas of 2018 the house was done and ready to be sold. She had mental problems, blaimed me for everything and was overall a pain the ass to be around. I did almost all work myself or with friends, she did nothing really. I took most costs, was lucky and found a secondrent apartmet and paid half the house so she could live there and paid my other flat too. House was sold in January 2019 and in April we were finally done and got the money from the buyers and could move on. Though we still owned a winter cabin up north together.

At that time in late Dec when the house was sold I broke completely. I had pushed myself non-stop for 6 months renovating two places while also being a project manager for a project to develop and implement a new financial system for our brazilian company. I was beat. Went to work but other than that I was just in my sofa drinking. Met a new girl, a brazilian, in a trip there in May and fell in love. Finally something good in life, went back again during my vacay in July and from then we were together. Again in September when my IT system went live and she came in October, and I again in December. During that summer I bought a new small flat, all I could afford after we split our money in half after the house was sold and all. All that money I had poured into our relationship was naught in the end. Started a new renovation, the flat was rancid. Went slow, I had no energy and had fought with depression during 2019.

Late 2019, the kitchen is done and the flat is livable. Starts the bathroom renovations in Feb 2020 after my GF leaves to go home to BR. Corona hits and the renovation stops completely, so now I'm in a flat with no bathroom. Good times. Layed off from work in late march, though with pay so that was great. So since then my life is just three things; Go to sofa and stream, videochat/eat with GF, go to bed. About a week ago we tried for her to come here due to updated exception rules in SE, but she wasn't even allowed to board in her home town even though we had prepared all documents needed. That was a major blow. The plan was for her to move her permantently in April, we planned that before Corona. Now today it's close to 5 months since we last met and I'm now officiall on forced 4 week vacation.

TLDR; Life sucks and if I hadn't had my GF and parent's wellbeing to think about I wouldn't mind just slipping into oblivion. I feel rather over with this whole "life" thing.

[shiram]

I wish I had something good to say, but i struggle with depression too, and ideas that eventually my life might become a burden on my familly and loved ones is a very though to bear...

I have a hard time enjoying life, it always feels like the people around me are so much better in so many ways, and I feel like I bring so little to them.

I guess all i can really say is, hold on to that dream/idea of getting your new girlfriend to come over, it seems like something worthwhile to work towards and keep some hope around your life.

[Bane]

I can recognize that feeling a bit, but in my case it's more like a kind of jealousy. I feel glad for my friends and family who has managed to reach the point I would have wanted, but I have become reluctant to hang out with them because it's just such a big open wound for me. I've hardly spoken to or visited family or friends the last 6 months, or anyone really. I range in emotion between neutral/oblivious to angry to sad/depressed. The good days I feel nothing, the bad I contemplate ending life. I won't though, wouldn't want my parents or GF to live through that, but it's quite a tough feeling to face, that I'm almost 40 and nowhere near my dream of starting my own family. And facing the pandemic that have just "stolen" almost 6 months of time from me and my GF and we're both getting older and not really closer to children. It's tough.

Don't have much encouraging words for you either and even if I did, it would just be cliches you've probably already heard or read a thousand times. But I will tell you to speak to a professional of you haven't already. Even if it won't make everything better, it might perhaps help you process it. Wish you all the best.

[shiram]

Thanks Bane.

I worked with psychiatrist for a while, but on our second meeting he lost his file on my case, and had forgotten all about my case.
His secretary was supposed to send papers for me to be introduced into a re-socializing problem, but she was not able to send out the paper in over 6 months.

Those guys ain't cheap or easy to find, so he would not meet me again after the second meeting and the re-socializing program was supposed to take care of me, but never got to go.

I also worked with 2 different psychologist, and while it was good to have someone to talk to with, that had no expectations for me, they both turned out to not really have any advice or concrete help.

I'm trying to rebuild my life at around 40 also.
I'm switching careers, cause I had 2 majors burnouts, and that lead to depression.
I was supposed to start school in may, but it's all fucked from the corona, School is supposed to start back in september, but we got information on how it will go down, and my course is 80% prctical work, can't be done remote.

My familly and friends are all moved away, my best friend is 3 hours drive away, and has a schedule that makes it so I see 1-2 times a year, and it will probably be only once if any in this year.

My brother is 5 hours drive away.
My sister is moving in 10 days, and will require a plane ride to visit.
The effects of aging are starting to show on my parents, and I fear my social anxiety and depression has robbed me of spending time with them, I was so afraid of what they thought of me, it was simpler just not seeing them..

My mother is showing signs of memory loss and lack of concentration, early signs or declining mental health.
My father is in the same boat.


I can turn this around, but i need to get in school, get that diploma, get that job, and get to spend that time with the quality people that are around me.

But time is against me, is this what a mid life crisis is?

[phreek]

Dang guys! I was hoping to find all rainbows and unicorns on my yearly stop-by. Glad to see you're all still alive!

I'm around if anyone needs to talk or needs advice.

I was going to post some about what I've been up to and how to find me, but I'll start another thread for that.

[Bane]

So went down to brazil for a month when they opened their borders and then we went together here to Sweden. Worked out well though it was tough as nails to get through the migration officers, especially in Germany (being the first EU border, they take that seriously). But now we are together here and life is great again. Sunshine isn't a bother, night is for sleeping and food is for enjoying. Feels very good to end my unlife and start to live after 6 months with a semi-catatonic state.

Damn brazilian food though, up to 87 kilos hah! I'm chubby for real now, for the first time in my life. My superpower, the old extreme metabolism, has finally started to become more normal it seems. No wonder though, almost 40, so I guess it's reasonable I can no longer eat the Michael Phelps diet without working out and not gain weight.