Here's a good joke I came across recently that made me laugh so I thought I'd share:
A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite at a campground.
Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.
Impressed, a nearby camper sauntered over and said to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."
"I have a system," the father replied. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
People with families will relate!
People with families will relate!
"Environmentalism as a metaphysical ideology and as a worldview has absolutely nothing to do with natural sciences or with the climate."
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algotzgame
- ultranoob
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2005 11:04 am
- Location: Findlay, OH
- Contact:
-
algotzgame
- ultranoob
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2005 11:04 am
- Location: Findlay, OH
- Contact:
Here's another joke!
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night
at a business function. He forces himself to open his
eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next
to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He then
looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect
order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge
black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror
and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to
go shopping - Love you!!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is
hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is
also at the table, eating. Jack asks,
"Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of
your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the
hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so
clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "OH, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the
bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off,
you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!!!".
Broken table - $200
Hot breakfast - $5
Red Rose bud - $3
Two aspirins - $0.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time...
Priceless
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night
at a business function. He forces himself to open his
eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next
to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He then
looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect
order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge
black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror
and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to
go shopping - Love you!!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is
hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is
also at the table, eating. Jack asks,
"Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of
your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the
hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so
clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "OH, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the
bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off,
you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!!!".
Broken table - $200
Hot breakfast - $5
Red Rose bud - $3
Two aspirins - $0.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time...
Priceless
Hilarious
A clown, a lawyer, and a chicken walk into a bar and the bartender asks:
"Is this some kind of a joke?"
--------------
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.
-------------
three guys walk towards a bar,one ducks while the other two get knocked down
-------------
A Polish man was getting married, and he got nervous on his wedding day.... and he decided to talk about the issue with his brother:
"I am not sure is my wife really a virgin"
Brother was stunned and was silent for a few minutes until he came up with a solution:
"That's easy. Only thing you need is red paint, green paint and a shovel." Idea
The groom was curious. Shocked
Brother: "First you have to paint one of your testicles green and the other one red, and when you take off your pants on the wedding night and she starts laughing that "those are the funniest balls I've ever seen", just hit her in the head with the shovel."
----------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying
to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just
think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's
a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher; ...she's dead."
-------------------
How many schauvinists you need to change a light bulb?
-None, the biatch can cook in the dark
Why do women fake orgasms?
-They actually think than men care
-----------------
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 13. One to change the bulb, 12 to form a support group.
------------------
What is the definition of poverty?
Having to masturbate to feed your cat!
-----------------
taken from a metal band forum i visit... enjoy
"Is this some kind of a joke?"
--------------
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.
-------------
three guys walk towards a bar,one ducks while the other two get knocked down
-------------
A Polish man was getting married, and he got nervous on his wedding day.... and he decided to talk about the issue with his brother:
"I am not sure is my wife really a virgin"
Brother was stunned and was silent for a few minutes until he came up with a solution:
"That's easy. Only thing you need is red paint, green paint and a shovel." Idea
The groom was curious. Shocked
Brother: "First you have to paint one of your testicles green and the other one red, and when you take off your pants on the wedding night and she starts laughing that "those are the funniest balls I've ever seen", just hit her in the head with the shovel."
----------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying
to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just
think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's
a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher; ...she's dead."
-------------------
How many schauvinists you need to change a light bulb?
-None, the biatch can cook in the dark
Why do women fake orgasms?
-They actually think than men care
-----------------
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 13. One to change the bulb, 12 to form a support group.
------------------
What is the definition of poverty?
Having to masturbate to feed your cat!
-----------------
taken from a metal band forum i visit... enjoy
Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
you guys are lame
here's some more jokes
Two terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures.
"Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
The second terrorist says, wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"
----
A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You already are."
-----
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
-----
Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked.
"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years older than I am."
"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"
----
This guy walks into a clock shop, walks up to the girl at the counter, undoes his fly and puts his cock on the counter.
The girl behind the counter says, "Excuse me sir, this is a clock shop, not a cock shop!"
To which the man replies, "Well slap two hands and a face on THIS!"
------
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young punk walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the punk looked, the old man was staring at him.
The punk finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk and fucked a peacock once. I was just wondering if you were my son."
------
here's some more jokes
Two terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures.
"Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
The second terrorist says, wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"
----
A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You already are."
-----
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
-----
Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked.
"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years older than I am."
"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"
----
This guy walks into a clock shop, walks up to the girl at the counter, undoes his fly and puts his cock on the counter.
The girl behind the counter says, "Excuse me sir, this is a clock shop, not a cock shop!"
To which the man replies, "Well slap two hands and a face on THIS!"
------
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young punk walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the punk looked, the old man was staring at him.
The punk finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk and fucked a peacock once. I was just wondering if you were my son."
------
Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.